Relationships – how’s yours going? Discover how to create a romantic relationship or transform the one you are in now and live life as it’s meant to be.
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Romance Killers: The Top 7 Mistakes That Doom Relationships
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When you get down this key relationship you eliminate all stress from your world – ALL stress!
Would you experience less stress in life if you knew how to create only relationships that satisfy your needs? For most women in their forties the obvious and immediate response is, “Of course.”
Okay, so here you are, divorced or in an unhappy marriage. You feel like you have to take part in relationships to play the games according to the rules of life.
Did you ever wonder who wrote the rules and why you feel a need to follow them?
The fact is you do not need to do what others tell you to do – implicitly or otherwise. You spent so many years doing what was expected of you. You pretended to enjoy the friends and colleagues of your spouse for his sake.
If you are a mom you may have done the same to assist your kids in growing up – made friends and attended social functions with people you may or may not have liked that grew out of our children’s activities.
That is all okay but now you get to be you. YOU get to decide what you want in a relationship. Most importantly, you get to refuse to participate in any and all relationships that fail to meet your specifications.
I love the feeling of being in charge of who I date after my divorce. During 31 plus years of marriage I was very clear on which male behaviors felt good to me and which I really did not like at all.
I never tell the guy I am with how to behave. I just know, inside, I expect certain behaviors that leave me feeling good and significant. And if he fails to act in those ways then that was our last date.
I had zero desire to tell him what was important to me. I am not interested in asking someone to change or pretend to be any way other than how they naturally are. That would be selfish and unfair.
The stress is pretty much gone on my end. I am me. I do not put on any act (not that I ever did in the past) to please someone else. And I expect the same is true for the guys with whom I choose to spend time.
Unlike the pressures and games most of us played during our teen years I just enjoy being with the guys I like to be with. I am not interested in finding my great love. I learned the value of being friends first and if something more comes of that relationship then it happens.
Relationships do not need to be stressful situations. You get to choose how they run and most importantly, with whom.
Women over forty often have a surprisingly different view of relationships than they did at younger ages. And that view differs drastically from that of men – which you might expect.
Polls show that nearly half of women over forty have no desire to get into another serious committed relationship like marriage after leaving a long time marriage. They actually feel content to be independent and just meet with or go out with guys when they feel like it.
After taking care of others all their lives women often look forward to having no responsibilities toward anyone but themselves. Ah! Freedom rings loud and clear – finally.
Interestingly, younger women, not having had all those years of experience and pressure as caretaker and compromiser, often wonder why their older friend has no interest in dating.
The fact is most women, at least in my experience, say that (after leaving an unhappy marriage) they have no interest in even looking for another guy. If one comes along they may be interested, they say, but go out purposely and spend time and energy looking to date? No thank you!
I offer another piece of wisdom on behalf of more mature women (is that euphemism or what?). You attract who you are, right? After leaving a marriage that possibly lasted most of her life, a women in her forties may realize she is not living her purpose or fulfilling her own desires – because she never had time to determine what either is for her.
First you need to decide who you want to be in life. Or you can work backwards and choose what you want to have. Then determine what you need to be able to do so you can have that result. Finally you need to figure out what kind of person takes those necessary actions.
So before going out looking for a man, I advise you to know who you are or, at least know who you want to be and then become that person. Because you will attract someone at your current level of vibration and experience make certain you love you exactly as you are and are living life as you want to first.
That way when you put out your request to meet your guy you will attract someone you actually do want in your life.
That step is critical. I didn’t know about it after my divorce so I wound up dating some guys who were very nice but hey—not anyone I had any interest in at all.
I am so clear that I am still becoming and not where I want to be in my own life yet. So I am not making any great effort to meet anyone and crate a relationship. I enjoy being on my own so much I am not sure if I will ever want to compromise how I live again.