Category Archives for relationships

Relationship Stress in Women Over Forty

Women over forty often have a surprisingly different view of relationships than they did at younger ages. And that view differs drastically from that of men – which you might expect.

Polls show that nearly half of women over forty have no desire to get into another serious committed relationship like marriage after leaving a long time marriage. They actually feel content to be independent and just meet with or go out with guys when they feel like it.

After taking care of others all their lives women often look forward to having no responsibilities toward anyone but themselves. Ah! Freedom rings loud and clear – finally.

Interestingly, younger women, not having had all those years of experience and pressure as caretaker and compromiser, often wonder why their older friend has no interest in dating.

The fact is most women, at least in my experience, say that (after leaving an unhappy marriage) they have no interest in even looking for another guy. If one comes along they may be interested, they say, but go out purposely and spend time and energy looking to date? No thank you!

I offer another piece of wisdom on behalf of more mature women (is that euphemism or what?). You attract who you are, right? After leaving a marriage that possibly lasted most of her life, a women in her forties may realize she is not living her purpose or fulfilling her own desires – because she never had time to determine what either is for her.

First you need to decide who you want to be in life. Or you can work backwards and choose what you want to have. Then determine what you need to be able to do so you can have that result. Finally you need to figure out what kind of person takes those necessary actions.

So before going out looking for a man, I advise you to know who you are or, at least know who you want to be and then become that person. Because you will attract someone at your current level of vibration and experience make certain you love you exactly as you are and are living life as you want to first.

That way when you put out your request to meet your guy you will attract someone you actually do want in your life.

That step is critical. I didn’t know about it after my divorce so I wound up dating some guys who were very nice but hey—not anyone I had any interest in at all.

I am so clear that I am still becoming and not where I want to be in my own life yet. So I am not making any great effort to meet anyone and crate a relationship. I enjoy being on my own so much I am not sure if I will ever want to compromise how I live again.

Stress and Relationships

You create stressful relationships so you can grow through unresolved issues from your past.

Some years ago, when I was just learning about how we create our reality and attract situations to us that help us grow I learned a powerful relationship lesson listening to a friend recount her nasty experiences with her current boss.

First she described the crummy situation at work. Then she revealed the fact that her boss had the same personality as her father and she knew she was in that particular job with that particular boss to resolve issues that originated with her father. Only now she had this opportunity to work through those same feelings, reactions and behaviors with a new person, her boss.

By healing the relationship with her boss, my friend was able to heal the situation between herself and her father.

What she did astounded me. I had not seen anyone come from this space before. She said when her boss was doing his usual complaining to her and getting down on her instead of getting defensive she sent him love.

What? He is yelling at you, mistreating and disrespecting you and you send him love? What the heck!

In that moment I realized her wisdom.

You get back what you put out. If she had chosen to duplicate the nasty attitude of her boss or remained silent and accepted blame for something she did not cause then her own body-mind would have deteriorated a little bit more.

By sending love to her boss she fulfilled a need he probably didn’t even know he had. I am not going to tell you they were instantly friends and his attitude changed instantly – because neither of those possibilities happened.

What did happen is my friend could go to work knowing she was okay regardless of what transpired. She no longer reacted to her boss’s angry behaviors. And he no longer exhibited so much anger so often.

People appear to you as you expect them to be. When she expected more respect and possibly even kindness at some point he responded by being a kinder person who did not need to yell.

Two resolutions unfolded for my friend. She dealt with a life-long issue that she needed to clear with her father. (Though her release came in the form of her relationship with her boss—still the same issue she need to grow past) and she learned how to extract desirable behaviors from others, regardless of the kind of relationship she may have endured in the past.

Happiness Means No More Arguing part 3

Most men do not like to talk about what or how they feel. They will not tell you what is going on inside their heads—mostly because they don’t have an awareness of what feeling underlies their outbursts. You can determine what is going by listening—not taking your turn to fight—just listen.

You see, people see the parts of themselves in others that they do not want to recognize as part of them. When they pick apart another person they reveal how they feel about those behaviors in themselves. They do not like those behaviors so when they see them exhibited in others they pounce on them!

You will not be able to explain that information to them. Do not even try. They will not hear you. They can’t. They need to hide from themselves for whatever reason—that you may never know. They may never know either.

All you can do is be who you are and love yourself and all others. When someone gets in your face, remember their anger is really a call for help—only they do not know it. And they are not ready to accept help either. To them, that would mean taking responsibility for their lives and how everything goes for them.

The only road to living in happiness includes self-responsibility.

Happiness Means No More Arguing part 2

I learned a good way to stop—or prevent—arguments.

Did you ever notice it takes at least two people to argue? If someone tries to lure you into a fight simply refuse to participate. When you do not fight back the other person will at first feel very frustrated and maybe even angrier than before. And then they have to stop the fight because no one is fighting back.

The very valuable lesson in this method is to note all the things the angry person yells at you. Take mental notes of everything for which he blames you. What he reveals with his outburst is exactly what is really going on inside him.

Happiness Means No More Arguing part 1

When you live in happiness you lose the need to argue or fight. How does that happen? When you feel good about yourself you also feel good about your world. In fact, you love yourself and you love others.

Living in happiness means seeing the good in everything and everyone. When you see the Divine Being in each person then you realize the connection, the All-Is-One on this planet. To feel anger toward another ultimately directs that feeling back at you. Why would you want to create that misery in your life?