Are you a parent? Grandparent? Know anyone with kids? Then you want to know…beware of expectations you see what you expect to see.
Pay attention to your expectations. Your child will be the person you expect him to be. Why? You see the behaviors that kind of person exhibits and you approve of them in some fashion. You send the message to your child that acting that way is a good thing.
You actually sort for those behaviors and miss signs of his being different from your expectations. Behaviors that are not reinforced gradually disappear.
By reinforced behaviors I mean noticed and responded to. Those behaviors may be something you like or they may be something you want to avoid and have not figured out how to eliminate as yet.
Whatever you focus on in your world will grow bigger. The way a small blemish feels like it has taken over your entire face, one small behavior can be blown out of proportion in your head. The more you pay attention to that undesirable thing the larger it looms.
Follow your instincts. If your child does something you do not want him to do then tell him that behavior is unacceptable. Let him know, clearly tell him, using “I” messages (more about that later), why you do not want him to repeat that behavior. Then move on to a different action leaving the first behind. Avoid focusing any more energy there.
When you expect appropriate behavior and have taught your child how to behave in different situations then you will see appropriate behaviors regardless of circumstances. Kids have instincts too. They want to make you happy. Like adults, they also want to feel accepted.
Many parents are afraid to discipline their kids. Those parents mistakenly believe their kids will not like them if they set out rules for them to follow. The fact is, rules show a child great love. In essence, rules tell your child, ”I love you so much I want you to stay safe. And I want you to act in ways that show you respect others so they will respect you.”
No one likes unruly kids. How does a kid become disruptive? How can a child know proper behavior unless an adult models it AND explains it? Parents who fear not being loved let their kids run amuck.
Learnmore about conscious parenting and raise Kids Who Can be, do and have anything they want in life.
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