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Self Esteem: On Feeling Invisible

Self esteem shows up in many ways. some are less noticeable than others. Did you ever feel invisible – and figure out how to hide that feeling?

When I was a kid some of my teachers called me a philosopher. I understood things in a way the other kids just didn’t see. Computers came out when I was in high school. And my teachers call me a computer. Now, as an adult, some of my friends call me pedia – short for encyclopedia.

Yeah, if you are playing Trivial Pursuit you want me on your team.

A few years ago I started wondering why I know so much and always have something to contribute to most conversations (unless you are talking about sports, which I’d rather play than watch, or television – which I stopped watching five years ago.)

Frankly, I never liked being called the computer and I am not really fond of being known as pedia either. Yet I really like being able to help people when they call with questions or challenges in most areas of life. And I especially feel good when I can offer hope to someone who has given up because no one else knew what to do.

So I used to think I lived with the dilemma of,  “Do I contribute what I know or let people flounder and find their own way in daily life?” Usually I ask if they would like a suggestion rather than just contribute.

What would you think if I told you this way of being me came from a self esteem issue?

Because, truthfully, it does.

When I was little I was so shy that people didn’t notice me. No one heard me when I talked. I guess I spoke in a wee small voice. And I felt just plain overlooked until I figured out…

If I could be the best at everything I did and if I knew all the right answers, and if I was really nice and – okay, miss goodie-two-shoes and always the teacher’s pet – except I was also popular. Kids liked me too. With all that in place people noticed me. People didn’t just notice me they knew who I was. I made friends and won awards and recognition of all kinds!

Finally I knew how to never be invisible again!

Get the picture?

Funny I never realized what I was doing until very recently. All my life I just did it. Talk about habits!

And it didn’t matter when I spoke softly because people knew what I had to say was important and they stopped their conversations to listen. Yeah, like those old EF Hutton commercials!

Okay, I love to learn and that desire fuels my ever-growing knowledge base. And I suspect I would still have all this knowing on so many subjects even if I never had to announce my presence. But I cannot help wondering would I have become so good at sports and music and art and…(I do many things well) if I never felt a need to shine?

I would not change who or how I am. I really love being me except I also like being able to sit back and just watch and listen to others speak and guess and grow without my input. After all, I discovered you only learn something when you figure it out for yourself and apply it for yourself in your own way.

So now I am usually quiet and just take it all in – with a smile.

About the Author Ali

I am Ali Bierman. What do I DO and why do I do it? I teach you how to live in happiness now. Nothing in your life will work perfectly or permanently until you love yourself first. When you accomplish that end then you live in happiness.

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