As a forty-something woman, divorced or in an unhappy marriage, you likely feel stress in many areas of your life. You can choose to break free from that stress.
Yes. I am talking about choices here. You may not think you have a choice about how your life goes. If that is how you think then realize you see yourself as and live your life as a victim.
The Universe never makes victims. It makes people who choose to think others hold power over them. Impossible. Your power lies within you.
Nothing outside of you can steal your power. You may fool yourself into thinking they took your power. Again, that would be how you perpetuate your victimhood.
If you find yourself in an unhappy marriage ask yourself why you stay there. You must be getting some benefits to live in unhappiness. But seriously, do the benefits outweigh the price you pay – the deficits in your emotional and physical health and well being?
In every moment you either grow or you deteriorate. If you feel stress you speed up the deterioration process. I suspect you already know that truth or you would not be reading this article right now.
So what can you do to make the life changes you know you want to make?
First step into your new decision to be free. Of the many middle-aged women I know who went through a divorce, even those who suffered tremendous loss, every single one of them agrees it was the best decision they ever made. Taking that step eventually led to releasing tons of weight off their shoulders.
That freed up energy contributed to their physical and emotional recovery pretty quickly. I am not saying there is no pain in divorce or separation. However I suggest that the pain of ending something that no longer works is far less than the fear of the unhappy marriage ending or the fear and anger of closing the door on what was supposed to be forever love.
I speak from personal and professional experience here. After 31 years of marriage one day I woke up and told myself I could not stand the pain any more. Both my husband and I had been unhappy for at least ten years. We tried counseling. I did many self improvement courses knowing as I changed he would have to change in relation to me.
That morning I told him we needed to get a divorce. We had not really stopped loving each other but we had gone our separate ways and trying to make something work that had ended years ago caused stress for both of us.
We agreed that a divorce would best serve us – both of us. Yes, it did hurt and yes both of us are so much happier for having gone through the pain because we went through it and finished it.
Decide what you want and follow through. It is the lingering and not knowing that builds stress inside you. Stop being emotionally lazy and go through the steps you need to take so you can come out the other end of the path to happiness instead of limbo.