Would you experience less stress in life if you knew how to create only relationships that satisfy your needs? For most women in their forties the obvious and immediate response is, “Of course.”
Okay, so here you are, divorced or in an unhappy marriage. You feel like you have to take part in relationships to play the games according to the rules of life.
Did you ever wonder who wrote the rules and why you feel a need to follow them?
The fact is you do not need to do what others tell you to do – implicitly or otherwise. You spent so many years doing what was expected of you. You pretended to enjoy the friends and colleagues of your spouse for his sake.
If you are a mom you may have done the same to assist your kids in growing up – made friends and attended social functions with people you may or may not have liked that grew out of our children’s activities.
That is all okay but now you get to be you. YOU get to decide what you want in a relationship. Most importantly, you get to refuse to participate in any and all relationships that fail to meet your specifications.
I love the feeling of being in charge of who I date after my divorce. During 31 plus years of marriage I was very clear on which male behaviors felt good to me and which I really did not like at all.
I never tell the guy I am with how to behave. I just know, inside, I expect certain behaviors that leave me feeling good and significant. And if he fails to act in those ways then that was our last date.
I had zero desire to tell him what was important to me. I am not interested in asking someone to change or pretend to be any way other than how they naturally are. That would be selfish and unfair.
The stress is pretty much gone on my end. I am me. I do not put on any act (not that I ever did in the past) to please someone else. And I expect the same is true for the guys with whom I choose to spend time.
Unlike the pressures and games most of us played during our teen years I just enjoy being with the guys I like to be with. I am not interested in finding my great love. I learned the value of being friends first and if something more comes of that relationship then it happens.
Relationships do not need to be stressful situations. You get to choose how they run and most importantly, with whom.